1. Mornings: Okay - I like mornings but I don't like getting up. Catch 22? Yes... now leave me alone.
2. People: A person is fine. People annoy the crap outta me. Honestly!
3. Being Tired: An extension of #1. When I'm tired I can't work out basic math, string words together or even tolerate a smile on a strangers face. I hate being that way too...
4. Being wide awake at 3am: 3am is not a real time. It only exists if you wake up or work that late. So why am I awake at 3am? Why? Hmmm?
5. On call: Pays the bills but I can't drink. Hate. Hate. Hate.
6. Badge envy: It says Porsche on it. Okay.. so why does that attract vandalism and hatred? I'm terribly sorry I work my arse off daily to pay for it. I'm sorry it brings me joy. Up yours.
7. Meat: Somewhere along the line I stopped eating the stuff. Now it makes me feel like sticking my head under a moving train at the thought of eating it. How's that for evolution?
8, no, #1. Being away from Gemma: This came to mind first but then I thought - I've always found Morning annoying. But, no. This IS worse. In every conceivable way. She knows it too - that's love!
9. Nose hair: You know as well as I do that you have it. Right there. Doesn't it itch? For the love of god man! Cut. It.
10. Mondays: Read any Garfield strip.
11. Sundays: Precursor to #10.
12. Money: Because I never have any. This can be deleted on receipt of huge lottery win.
13. "Piss taking": No, not the thing I do. The thing where people "take the piss". You know - being repeatedly late for work and no one batting an eyelid. That sort of thing.
There are more.. I will write them.. watch this space..